Being paranoid

It seems like wherever I look, I see people breaking up. It has probably always been that way, but now I see it. Take my favorite comic Pondus for example. When I went to the store to buy breakfast this morning, I got a new magazine and to my surprise I saw that two of the main characters in the comic is breaking up! What is unbelievable is that it made me sad. This is actually quite stupid. I KNOW that they are just drawings on a paper, made out of Frode Øverli’s fantasy, but still… I cannot help but get emotionally involved, as silly as it might seem. I have read several reactions online on the break up and all the signs of the different the break up stades are there:

Denying: Noooo! This is not true! It can’t be!
Anger:This is all Camilla’s fault! Must she burn! Øverli (the writer/drawer) has made a huge mistake! I will stop reading the comic!
Depression: It is so unbelievable sad. All my compassion with Jokke. Bwiii…
Accept: Is Jokke single again? Then he is going back to date ugly women and get beaten up. Yay!

The comic is getting darker and more serious, not only funny. Jokke an his now ex-girlfriend has a child together. I think it is a good thing though. The characters evolve, just as we do in real life. Take Donald Duck for example. Shouldn’t Donald’s nephews have grown and shouldn’t Uncle Scrooge be in a nursing home by now? Nevertheless, it is scary how close we get to people who are not real.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

This must be the ultimate being dumped film. Jason Segel (from Freaks and Geeks), who wrote the script and acts as the main character. Peter Bretter, the main character, gets dumped by his super star girlfriend. As anybody who gets dumped, he takes it pretty hard. He tries to forget, but she actually leaves him for a famousrocker, so that is pretty hard. Then, he goes on vacation to Hawaii in order to forget her. However, it turns out that his ex stays at the same hotel with her new boyfriend. Peter manages to make a fool out of himself, almost like every just dumped person would do. The film could be sad, but it is not. Sometimes, it has this sad and dark undertone, but it gets better. Jason Segel makes the movie funny in a casual way. Especially the “Peter you suck” song at the end and the awkward meeting-your-ex-and her-new-boyfriend scene. Also, the movie shows that the one who dumps, always, in some point or another, will regret it. And that is somehow comforting. I think I recommend it. Spoiler: you also get to see Jason Segel naked hehehe…

Another pattern

Some say that if you want to know how your love life is going to be, just look at your first date experience. I think it might be something in this. Take for example my first date. He was a football/soccer freak and not really attractive, but he liked me so I thought why not. He was the one interested. I was not really in love. Then, I moved and I met the one who were going to make me fall deeply in love, take my virginity, dump me hard, break my heart and make me doubt myself in every single way. Anyway, my point is not being bitter, (which I am not) my point is that he was the one being interested in me. I thought why not and fall in love. Then boy came along. He was my best friend and he had been in love with me for several months. So I thought why not and then I got dumped.

I think I have a problem. It seems to me as I am falling for boys because they are interested in me. I am never the one taking the first step. I just follow the stream. Things just happens. I do not take action. I see another pattern.

How am I going to deal with this? I am going to be for myself a while. Maybe even a long while. I am going back to life before I started dating. I think it can be great.

No choice

I think I have to be friends with boy. If I want him back, I have to be friends. At least, I have to give the impression that I am okay with being friends with him. Going against my principles seems to be everything I am doing in my relationships with other people. Maybe that is growing? Forgiving and forgetting may be a great part of becoming a better human being, even though it goes against my principles. I find myself thinking that everything was easier before. Maybe I am just being nostalgic. Nevertheless, when I was younger, I had the answers to everything. I knew what love was, I knew what I wanted in relationships and how far I was willing to go to get it, I knew or thought I knewwhat was right. Then, life happened and it seems like I am no longer sure about anything. I am a bit confused, but I think I like it. Boy always thought I asked myself too many questions. Well, that is not going to change anytime soon

Where there is jealousy, there is hope

I was wrong. Boy doesn’t has a msn picture of him and an other girl. It is something else. On the other hand, I have one which seemed to disturb him a little. It is the same as this blog’s headline photo. The girl on the photo isn’t me, but she really looks like me. So, of course he wondered.

Boy: Is it you on the photo?

Me: Hello to you too

Boy: Hi, how is it doing?

Me: Fine, and you?¨

Boy: Okay, so… is it you?

I went to brush my teeth, therefore I did not answer right the way

Boy sent me a nudge

Boy: Why aren’t you answering?

Boy: Mandy!

Boy: I take that as a yes…

Me: I am sorry, I was preparing for bed.

I told him it was not me, but I kind of enjoyed the reaction. He was jealous and that felt a little great. Childish maybe, but totaly human.  There is hope. I think he still likes me.

Dealing with a break up

Yesterday I felt strong. I felt that I could do anything and that the break up did not affect me. Why? Because I followed my plan to get Boy back: got a hair cut. 

How to deal with a break up and maybe even get your ex back, a method I am testing:

- Agree with the break up. Even though you did not want to break up, you have to give the impression that you do. When you are feeling sad, it sometimes helps to force yourself to smile. This is the same thing. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and say to your ex that you think the break up is the best for both of you. It will eventually make you feel better. Moreover, now, you will be unavailable to your ex. This is quite important because we always desire what we cannot have. You will also sound more attractive, as self confidence is a major part of attraction. This will be your opening. Remember, everything is possible.

- Do not contact your ex. Every how-to-get-your-ex-back manual tells that you shouldn’t contact him or her for a month. I do not know if this works, but I think it is because you have to let your ex be able to miss you. It is obvious that he or she cannot miss you if you call 15 times a day to pour out your heart on voice mail (I have been there, not with Boy, but with my first ex. When I think about it now that I am over it, it was pathetic).

- Make the best out of what you have got. Begin to practice or take up a new type of sport. Eat healthy. Buy teeth blenching at the store. Get some new clothes. Change your hair cut. This is about making you feel attractive in a time you might not feel loved and wanted. I do not recommend strict diets or plastic surgery, just to make the best out of what you have got. This will also give the impression that you are moving on and accepting the break up.

- Socialize. It is important to be out there, meet new friends or make contact with friends you haven’t seen for a while. You had a life before your ex, you still have a life after.

- Be hardcore. This is the time to take up hobbies you had before the relationship. If you were in to photography before you met your ex, take it up. Or start doing something you have always wanted. You have the time to think of yourself. Something which helps me, is to study (or work) extremely hard. Then, I get results, and the confidence comes back. Also, I love being hardcore at what I do, now I have the time to be it.

This is the list so far. I will come back to it when I have finished working on myself. Does it work? We will have to wait and see. All I know is that I feel a lot better.

Analysing a msn conversation (Ironic)

When Boy wanted us to keep in touch, I am sure this wasn’t what he expected. I do not talk to him. Every manual on how  to get your ex back, explains that it is quite important not to contact him or her. Anyway, yesterday I had a technological emergency:I needed to know how one can reduce the size of an image. Since Boy is kind of geeky and none of my geeky friends was online, I asked him what to to. There is the thrilling conversation with clearly sexual undertones (irony), hehe…

Mandy: Hi, you don’t happen to know a program which can reduce the size of an image? I play the girl who needs help from my strong and virile geek

Boy: paint you see, he send me a smiley, he clearly is glad to see me

Mandy: No, but I want to reduce the whole image, not just cut it, or? Of course I had thought about using paint…

Boy: you just need paint to reduce the size of an image. you just open the image in paint and then you go to “images”, “incline”, and you have to change the % do you see the way he takes his time and explains every detail? A sign of true love

Mandy: oh… ooki feeling a bit stupid…

Mandy: thanks

Boy: You’re welcome A smiley again, I rest in my case: he is crazy about me

Friends?

We all have been or will be dumped, in one way or another, during our time on earth. Anyway, I have huge problems being friends with someone who has dumped me. I try to rest cool on the out side and react as the break up has no effect on me, but I can’t stay friends. In my head, when somebody dumps you, it means that the person you love does not want you anymore. That person indirectly says that you are not good enough for them and that hurts. A lot. No matter how hard I try to deny it, there are hard feelings. How is it possible to stay friends with someone who thinks that?

I have tried to stay “friends” with my first ex, but there is no real friendship. There are just occasionally meeting over coffee, trying to catch up on what we have been up to. It felt wrong. It felt like I was denying everything we had been trough and how he hurt me. Boy was my best friend in high school, but there is no way we can go back there again.

Am I being irrational? Yeah, probably, since there are feelings involved and not my reason. Relationships between humans are built on feelings and that must be why this is so difficult for me.

Back at square one

I am not over him. I feel terrible. He spoke to me today. I feel sick. I was angry. I am hurt. I do not want to be his friend. I find that hypocritical.

I shouldn’t have answered. Fucking wonderwall…

My sister told me she don’t think we will get back together. I am damaged.

Thanks L

There is a guy in my class at college who I didn’t like at the beginning of the year. He was the oldest in the class, about 30, and he seemed a bit strange. I know that I should not judge people by the first impression and it turned out that he (let us call him L) is awesome. I have rarely met a more positive and happy person and he really spread his good mood to his entourage. Anyway, when L asked me if I were going to visit Boy this summer, I told him that we had broken up. L did not respond in the way people usually answer. He said that if normally is difficult for boys to maintain a long distance relationship because of the lack of physical contact or in his words: the lack of hanky-panky. He also told me that he had once broken up with a girl because of the geographical distance between them, but he continued to love her for five years. Who knows, you may even get back together, he said.

Thanks L. I needed that. Thank you for the positive reaction. That changes from the usual reactions I get